So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
