My cat gives me a boner
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
