Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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