I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
