Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
