"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
