what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
