Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
