I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
