Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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