Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
