Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
