there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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