dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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