dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she woke up with a sticky ear
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
