So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
