Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
