Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
