I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
