If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
