I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We had to coat check the pizza.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
