I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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