Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
