Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
