only if we run a train.
done.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
