Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
