so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
