I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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