The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
