tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
