Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
