I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
