Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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