he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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