Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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