I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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