so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
