I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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