Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
