he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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