he wants to bone in the snuggie
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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