my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
