Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
