I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
