he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I want is dick and wine.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
