I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
