im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
