Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just cut my nipple shaving
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
