And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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