by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
