Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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